Once again a lovely plan ripped to shreds.
Anonymous asked: I just want you to know that you are gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. And sweet, and talented. And one day you're going to find someone who is the right person for you. So things haven't worked out with people in the past, so what - they are clearly not worth your thoughts. Don't dwell on the past and don't dwell on the imagined future. Just live in the present and be happy. xxx
Thank you so much anon, this made me so much happier. I’m trying my best at the moment, but sometimes thinking ahead just happens. I think I’m starting to understand now that what I feel and how I feel is okay. And that I can cope with it, I just have to really want it. Thank you again whoever you are x x x x
Anonymous asked: is that your ex?
Kind of, but not really. I saw him a couple of times but that was it. It’s not because I still fancy him that I put it up, it’s because I look so happy in it and even I can tell how happy I was in that moment.
Another drug another hit
Another mask that just don’t fit
No end to the pills the self loathing and the strife
Someone give me a fucking knife.
Another dawn another lost faith
Another person you can’t face
No more hope for the dreams
Someone’s splitting at the seems
Another love another loss
Another person who didn’t give a toss
No more belief in humanity
Life is just one great profanity
Another hour another day
Another scar won’t fade away
No end to the pills, self-loathing and the strife
I want an end to this life.
Anonymous asked: sod them, show the picture of you you think is the nicest?
The pretence is futile.
This weekend I tried to put an end to pain. This weekend I was prevented. Just.
So obviously drinking last night was more important than finding out that I had an earthshattering panic attack and ringing to make sure I was okay. And of course you’re going to go and spend the day with your brother when I’m a mess and probably drink more. Yes of course that’s fine, I totally understand that. Oh you love me? I wish I did. And no of course I don’t mind that your friends take priority all the time. I wouldn’t want you to have to make anymore compromises, seeing as that’s what this obviously is to you most of the time. What another apology? Of course I believe it again, and the new wave of promises.
And then complain that I never cut you any slack, or I don’t understand. I wish I wasn’t human. I don’t want to feel things anymore it hurts too much.
You always conveniently choose the times when I need you the most to make yourself unavailable and make me feel guilty don’t you?